- Interests: Extreme taxidermy; Tuvan throat singing; constructing blog cabins; Pentecostal serpent handling; dangling participles; not hiding it where it shows; political incorrectness; brewing moonshine; mutant hamster racing; L.A. gourmet burgers; potpourri; boycotting potlucks; sharing mulligatawny soup and cumquat cocktail recipes; feral children; shanking; inventing & naming new paraphilias; whittling soap suppositories; attending Après-Ski brunches; making scrapbooks; giving up for Lent; Craig’s List dating ads; (over-)reporting “inappropriate” posts on all popular social network services; verbal stoning for meritless poetry & lackluster metaphors; beef jerky; getting the most bang for m’buck;
- address: currently staying at a hotel that looks like a haunted doily
- age: methuselan
- sex: only before I regain consciousness
- sexual orientation: defective
- prior convictions: heresy
- occupation: burlesque dermatologist
- favorite color: flamingo flan
- motto: pain is just French for bread
- mantra: I will not bend space-time (repeat)
- hobbies: vodka
- likes: first class travel & resort accommodations; hugh laurie
- favorite animal: the Etruscan Shrew; female sea otters floating together in groups of two and sharing mollusc snackery;
- dislikes: Confucius; economy class; those fish that swim up your pimhole; raisins; squidgy eggs or fruit bits in my yogurt; clowns, mimes, frogs & geckos; the tropical flora and fauna for taking the poof out of my coiffure and for making me feel gang banged by vegetation
- vices: I steal, gossip & set fires; francophobia
- regrets: making too many sober decisions
- ambitions: audition for Charo's "The Sound of Maracas"; mud wrestle the Abominable Samsquantch (was that her name?); experiments in autoerotic asphyxiation & witchcraft (so far, it reminds me of baking or transvestism); vaginal rejuvenation; planning my own surprise intervention; becoming a glam-mother; long, luxurious Mediterranean cruise shipping with my darling girlfriend - Mr. Fry; a little frottage and loads of naughty necking with that scruffy, limping TV doctor - he's simply scrumptious. Oh, sweet Puddin', only you make Edna purr like Eartha Kitt rrrrrrrrr (Fry alleges she knows him personally. Unfortunately, I don't believe a word she says.)

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